Not Being Sure About The Not Yet
It might just be me on this one, so if it is feel free to bow out a any time if this isn't something you can relate to; but sometimes when I think about Christ's coming again I get uneasy, unsettled, I feel a little apprehensive. I don't know why but part of me is a little fearful. Not that Christ isn't coming back, but more of that I don't know what it will consist of or be like.
I'm just not sure about the not yet.
I just can't imagine it. The fact that I will be face to face with my savior, my king? That the curtain will be drawn back and I will see what I have only now seen through a glass dimly. Or maybe I get uneasy because I just don't think about heaven that much. I'm much more focused on the here and now, the cross more than the resurrection
Oh that I would focus too on the glory of the resurrection.
I get scared. When i stop at the uncertain thoughts of what is to come I am left in a hopeless state, and many times questioning myself. "Would a "real" Christian be so unsteady when thinking about the second coming?" But I've found that when I push through those first moments of unsteadiness I find peace. Like the disciples waiting through the three dark, dark days; once through them they are awoken to the beauty of Sunday. When I push past the unsteady feelings and I focus on the glory to come it overpowers my uncertainty about paradise. When i focus on what I'm sure of and what God has promised about my New the uncertainties of what i don't know vanish. No more tears, no more death, no more abortion or rape or breakups, or absent parents, or cheating spouses or disease, no more war or crime, no more doubt. No more pain and no more heartache.
Shalom.
The way things should be. The way they were meant to be. An eternity of honeymoon with or madly in love bridegroom. A forever lasting feast of older and younger brothers and their prodigal Dad. This is what I know awaits me, and the glory of this overpowers any uncertainty or feeble feelings that may cross me.
Oh the beauty.
So yes, there is some apprehension still inside of me about the not yet of what is already. The to come of what is already here. But uncertainty or not I look to the cross and place my trust upon the man hanging there, that he is more than a man, the Son, and that I have died with him. And if dead with him I will rise with him, and dwell forever in the New Heavens and New Earth, whatever that may be like.