I know I am...Don't I?
“So how do you know you’re saved?”
Now I know what you’re thinking“Whoa Anakin! Come on back to the light side that’s some pretty dark stuff, and while you’re at it get some mad counseling”.
I get it, but come on be real with me. Haven't you ever thought about it, even for a split second, hasn't the thought at least once come into your head? If we're being honest, and if you were to think deeply about it, it’s not an uncommon or strange thought to have, it's basically asking, "Are you saved, how do you know". It’s one of those questions like, “I wonder if the pilot of this plane is really certified or if he murdered the real pilot and stole his uniform, and is now going to take us down too”. You don’t want to think about it but you it’s in the back of your mind.
Checkout 1 John 3:18-20 “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but indeed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything." (1 John 3:18-20). So obviously I’m not the first person to wonder about it or need reassurance, and neither are you.
The summer after graduation is when the question started to ring in my head over and over. It would pop into my head in the most random, and inconvenient times,like while watching an episode of "Cake Boss" or "Say Yes to the Dress"(before you judge I watch it for the drama, the other show for the dresses). At first I would just ignore it or say, “Of course I know I am duh.” But for some reason the question would always come back again and I would think, “I know I am…don’t I?"
It started to bother me more and more. I would get a thought like, “Are you sure your saved? Because you really didn't understand what you were doing when you were baptized and to which I would respond, “But look at what God’s done in my life?” Luckily, like we all have learned since we could little babies, God would win every battle. I would self-reflect on the way I used to live, indifferent to living for Jesus, thinking I had to outweigh the bad with "good". And how I live now, sickened with my sin, knowing His grace and that I'm forgiven of sin and desiring to follow Jesus harder every day. And that seemed to work for the moment and then the questions would come back again, and again.
Then in July at Youth in Ministry (yes that was a plug in ) at Milligan College,God, like He does so often, leveled me. During the week we did spiritual disciplines each night; and on the last night once again the question pestered me and gave me a horrible feeling and like always put me in a dark place.
Then we started the night’s discipline which included a station where an adult-leader would pray for you. So I told my friend/leader/mentor Curtis Booher about the questions and the doubt. While he was praying He said something so simple, but it was the answer I had been looking for. He said something along the lines of this, “God help Zach know that assurance of being saved is not about what we do, or how good we do, or anything else, its simply the fact that Your son(Jesus) died on the cross to save us, and we either accept and believe or we don’t, and if we accept then we are saved and that’s it”.
And that was it, our salvation isn't in doing good things or changing, it’s in believing in what Jesus did. If I could go back and talk to me when the questions started, I would tell me one thing: CHILL OUT! Stop basing and defending your salvation on transformation or how you’re living, because if you keep basing it on that then you will always find faults that make you wonder why that area isn’t changed either. The only thing that saves me is God extending salvation to me through Jesus by sending him down to Earth to die on a tree, saving me if I would believe. And therefore, since I do believe and for that reason alone, I am saved. (Ephesians 2:8).
So maybe this is just a personal issue that no one else has ever had. But I’m willing to bet that we have all wondered this in some way, but if not, I ask,how you know you are saved? I hope and pray that if you are in the moment of doubt and thinking about it, never have thought about it, or will ponder on it someday that you can look the questions in the face and find rest that it’s not about the then, it’s about the now. It’s not about how you got where you are today but that you’re here. It's not about have you stumbled in your walk, it's that you're walking. It’s not about how or when you got saved but that you have trusted in Jesus for your life now and therefore are. It’s about the fact that you took a step of faith at some point in your life, trusted in Jesus Christ as your savior and, because of that and that only you are saved.
If my lack of education and raw experience doesn't help, below is a link to a page that really helped me when I was struggling with the questions. Even if you don't have a problem with these thoughts I would still suggest it, it’s legit.
http://kboones.wordpress.com/2010/09/13/sometimes-i-doubt-that-im-really-saved-part-2/
-Zach Hollifield